Welcome to the Shirk Report where you will find 20 funny images, 10 interesting articles and 5 entertaining videos from the last 7 days of sifting. Most images found on Reddit; articles from Facebook, Twitter, and email; videos come from everywhere. Any suggestions? Send a note to submit@twistedsifter.com

20 IMAGES

– Friday!
– Me vs Responsibilities
– When you double down on your mistake
– How money changes you
– Related: What $1.6bn in gold looks like
– Also
– You know what? The kids are going to be alright
– You go dawg | You too kitty!
– When someone says, “you should smile more often”
– “We got a 2 sandal blaze, I repeat, a 2 sandal blaze”
– When you think you’ve seen it all, then this guy shows up to the Ugly Sweater party with ‘Santapede’
– Well played
– How forced perspective was used when filming ELf
– The tree is cool, but the outline of The Grinch formed by the rocks is cooler
– Even my eggs are disappointed in me
– Parenting is tough
– Parenting is awesome
– You know you’re getting old maturing when
– Happy holidays y’all!
– Until next week

10 ARTICLES

– The Most 2018 Photos Ever
– The Story of Dyngo, a War Dog Brought Home from Combat
– Is There an Optimal Diet for Humans?
– The Cold War: 5 things you might not know
– The story behind Netflix’s $100 million ‘Friends’ deal
– The fallen metropolis: the collapse of Caracas, the jewel of Latin America
– 4,400-Year-Old Tomb In Great Condition Stuns Egyptian Officials
– Swimming with Super Grouper
– Instagram’s Favorite New Yorker Cartoons of 2018
– My Dad’s Friendship With Charles Barkley

5 VIDEOS + Home Alone

Read more: https://twistedsifter.com/2018/12/the-shirk-report-volume-505/

Welcome to the Shirk Report where you will find 20 funny images, 10 interesting articles and 5 entertaining videos from the last 7 days of sifting. Most images found on Reddit; articles from Facebook, Twitter, and email; videos come from everywhere. Any suggestions? Send a note to submit@twistedsifter.com

20 IMAGES

– Friday!
– Me vs Responsibilities
– Name a better save, I’ll wait
– This bar has a sobriety test upon exit
– This person forgot to put on their seatbelt (and was wearing a lot of makeup)
– rELATABLE
– THIS PERSON TRIED TO UNLOCK YOUR PHONE
– Poetry in motion
– Stabilized
– Poorly timed, but valid
– Seriously though, why
– Shots fired
– I could watch this all day
– Why fit in when you can stand out
– The one day I forget my scraper
– This is impressive
– Something to try this weekend
– Warning: Cannot unsee (sfw)
– Now that’s a victory dance
– Until next week

10 ARTICLES

– Fire Trucks Are Too Damn Big
– The Future of Entertainment
– The WIRED Guide to 5G
– Showering Has a Dark, Violent History
– Love Is Not A Permanent State of Enthusiasm: An Interview With Esther Perel
– The New Yorker’s 2018 in Review
– How Does Weird Al Write His Songs?
– How Cities Design Themselves
– The Race to Understand Antarctica’s Most Terrifying Glacier
– TIME Magazine’s Person of the Year

5 VIDEOS + Jenga

Read more: https://twistedsifter.com/2018/12/the-shirk-report-volume-504/

My friend thinks I mourn you because I’m mourning your potential. In a way, I understand. “You weren’t together, but you imagined an entire future with him,” she tells me, matter-of-fact, on the phone. She isn’t wrong.

The life I imagined with you wasn’t far from what we had. At least, not completely. I envisioned us stumbling down the street, wine-drunk and high from the strange energy that always seemed to pinball between us, but instead of our fingers itching toward each other’s in vain, you would have pushed me against the brick wall of the alleyway and kissed me hard; knowing me, I would have waited a minute before pushing away playfully, my eyes telling you to wait. I envisioned waking up to coffee in the morning, made exactly how I love it, but instead of delivering it to me on the couch, you’d set it on your nightstand and tunnel back into bed with me. I envisioned all those quiet moments we spent together, when our eyes would meet and all of our words would get stuck on our tongues, but this time, we wouldn’t dare look away.

This time, we would admit that everything we wanted was right in front of us instead of pretending we never noticed it there.

You used to talk about me meeting your sister. (“She’ll love you as if you were her own sister,” you assured me when I worried she wouldn’t like me.) You used to talk about me meeting your mom. We used to laze around in the afternoons and talk about how badly we both wanted to jump into my car and drive away as far as we could and start a new life together; once, you’d even found an apartment in DC you thought we could afford. (“It’s just a hypothetical,” you said, your eyes sliding away from mine sheepishly, but I saw that you kept the tab up on your laptop for weeks.) Instead, you jumped in the car on your own and moved to Chicago, a city we once said we’d visit together, and never returned. I knew there was no invitation to follow.

And it’s funny, because even long after you broke my heart, I still imagined a life holed up in a tiny city apartment with you, eating cheap takeout and watching stupid shows while we lay together, wrapped around one another like twine. I would be the artist, the visionary, the shoulder to cry on, and you would be the rock, solid and unmoving, logical to a fault. I imagine arguing over semantics and talking about hypotheticals and secretly planning our entire lives together, the way we always did once it hit the early morning hours and we were free of inhibitions. Sometimes I felt like I knew everything about you, but I still always wanted to know more; I wanted to listen to you speak until you ran out of words. In a way, I guess I got my wish—when you left, neither of us seemed to have anything left to say.

I tell myself that even if we did have that ending, even if we got all those sacred nights in some unknown city, things still would’ve turned out this way. We’d grow irritated of the things we once loved and resent each other for things neither of us can control—our cultures, our politics, our families. Maybe we would have fallen out of love all the same. But there are still nights when I close my eyes and see the whole future in front of us, and maybe that’s what really hurts. It’s not just the things we lost or the way their absence left a gaping hole inside me; it was all the beautiful things we dreamed of, the ones we we never got the chance to have.

Read more: https://thoughtcatalog.com/maria-monrovia/2018/12/the-life-we-once-imagined

Weird cat lovers, take heart: Wilfred Warrior is back.

The Chinchilla Persian feline, who starred in the dubbed viral video of our dreams earlier this month, is now featured in a sequel, also from comedian Michael Rapaport. Like all good sequels, it is 37 seconds long and features a lot of yelling.

Wilfred, we love you! Also, you look so messed up. Are you OK?

Read more: https://mashable.com/video/weird-cat-sequel/

Read more: https://imgur.com/gallery/TNkvr2N

President George H.W. Bush watches as comedian Dana Carvey does his George Bush impersonation in 1992. (Getty Images)

Comedian Dana Carvey may have poked fun at former George H.W. Bush during his presidency nearly 30 years ago, but that didn’t stop the former “Saturday Night Live” star and the 41st president from having a decades-long friendship.

“Dana has given me a lot of laughs,” Bush said at a December 1992 holiday party that Carvey attended after the 41st president lost the presidency to Bill Clinton, according to The Washington Post. “And the fact that we can laugh at each other is a very fundamental thing.”

In fact, there was at least one moment where Bush took a line from Carvey’s impression of him.

“Wouldn’t be prudent, wouldn’t be prudent at this juncture,” Carvey, during his impersonation of the president at the holiday party, says. Bush later borrowed the line during a public appearance.

FIVE OF BUSH’S MOST MEMORABLE QUOTES

Bush passed away Friday night at the age of 94. In light of his death, check out these three funny and memorable SNL sketches where Carvey portrayed the late president.

Season 15, 1989

In this SNL episode in 1989, Carvey, portraying Bush, talks about the “drug problem” in the White House and Hurricane Hugo, which was “not his fault” Carvey jokes.

Season 17, 1991

In this episode during season 17 in 1991, Carvey, as Bush, talks about the U.S. economy and his newly purchased Presto Salad Shooter, among other topics.

“I’m not afraid to say recession… Recession! Recession! Recession!” he says. “In fact, I’ll say it all day because we’re not in a recession.”

Season 25, 2000

Though Bush’s presidency was over at this time, his son, George W. Bush, would be soon elected as the 43rd President of the United States. In this SNL sketch, Carvey, again portraying Bush, helps George W. Bush (Will Ferrell) prepare before he takes on Al Gore in a debate.

GEORGE H.W. BUSH’S CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN PAY HOMAGE TO LATE PRESIDENT

“You have to be evasive; when they ask you a question you gotta be slip-slidin’ away,” he advises.

Read more: https://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/george-h-w-bush-and-his-snl-impersonator-dana-carvey-3-funny-sketches-to-watch

It’s been a middling 2018 for Saturday Night Live in a lot of ways.

The Trumpworld-skewering cold opens, once a weekly highlight, have fallen off a cliff and now more resemble a burning wreckage of forced wisecracks and ill-conceived ideas. Then there was the Kanye thing. And the Pete Davidson thing. It’s been a rocky ride for SNL fans.

But! The highlights soared so high. We got a few all time winners this year, and a bunch of others that may not make the 50th anniversary special but were still extremely entertaining and funny. It turned into a long enough list in the end that we had to whittle it down to our 10 favorites.

Here they all are! Enjoy the laughs.

10. Teacher Fell Down

Teacher Fell Down is what we on Mashable’s entertainment team like to think of as peak “weird SNL.” It kinda comes out of nowhere and it’s not really about anything in particular, but the moment it captures is so inherently weird, you’re laughing hysterically before you realize it.

In this sketch, we weren’t the only ones laughing. Pete Davidson, Aidy Bryant, guest host Jonah Hill, even the normally unflappable Kate McKinnon — they’re all visibly struggling to hold it together here. And why wouldn’t they? The sketch is about a teacher who falls down in front of her class and immediately launches into some kind of bizarre, overwrought performance art piece.

9. Natalie rap 2

Portman starred in this explicit sequel to her equally raunchy 2006 rap, complete with an Andy Samberg cameo. She’s still insane, but with updated references! Time’s up, bitch.

8. Kavanaugh hearing cold open

From Matt Damon’s very first, very angry “WHAT?!” this sketch is a keeper.

Most of 2018’s politics-themed cold opens ranged from “just fine” to “what were they thinking?” but this skewering of accused sexual assaulter and Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh’s much-publicized congressional hearing is *chef’s kiss*. Damon is just as incoherent and nonsensical in his own defense as the real guy.

Also: don’t overlook the comedic fire from Damon’s supporting cast: Aidy Bryant and SNL alum Rachel Dratch(!!) demonstrated superhuman strength as they kept their cool in the face of Damon’s angry-guy-on-trial antics.

7. Political Musical

One of SNL‘s most New York sketches explores the sometimes trying experience of local theater and social commentary. The all-white cast comments on immigration, #MeToo, and more, building up to a final song that maybe…tells people not to vote? 

The ridiculous songs advertise a nightmare play from the most Millennial Millennials, but we wouldn’t say no to this as a comedy musical. 

6. Black Jeopardy with Chadwick Boseman

When Chadwick Boseman was booked to host SNL at the height of Black Panther‘s popularity, any real fan of the show hoped this would happen. And it did.

T’Challa’s appearance on Black Jeopardy finds comedy in skewering the societal imbalance between utopian, fictional Wakanda and a too-real USA that’s still built on top of racist foundations. But the absolute highlight, the meme-worthy moment, comes when T’Challa starts to get it.

His exchange with Kenan Thompson’s host about a white lady’s bland, unseasoned potato salad is perfect. Just perfect. (There’s also a random and completely unexpected Coming To America reference.)

5. Diner Lobster

“Diner Lobster” combined the show’s musically inclined cast with a Les Miserables parody and a marvelous Weird SNL premise from the John Mulaney archives. It is a ride from start to finish, one that either went completely over your head or had you scouring YouTube to rewatch it within minutes.

4. Midterm ad

It’s easy to forget this now — probably because we’ve collectively blocked it out — but there was a fair amount of anxiety leading into Election Day 2018, before the fabled Blue Wave of Democratic wins came crashing down on the Trump-enabling Republican party. 

OK fine. “Fair amount” is an understatement. We were shitting ourselves. And SNL‘s midterm ad perfectly captured that fear, distilling down into something funny. 

Sure, Kate McKinnon’s glass-shattering scream at the very end is how many of us were feeling deep down, but it was nice to have that shared moment of realization: Oh hey, it’s true. Everyone feels like we’re a few heartbeats away from a literal apocalypse. Cool!

3. Next men’s deodorant ad

As Idris Elba recently (and obviously) pointed out, it’s only a scary time for men right now if they have something to hide. For them, there’s Next: For Men, an antiperspirant for the sexual harasser counting down his time. Alex Moffat and Kyle Mooney star as men in Hollywood – a movie star and a comedian, respectively – while Will Ferrell sweats it out (or doesn’t, thanks to Next!) as an office worker expecting the news to break any day. 

“Next” perfectly pokes fun at the men who claimed anxiousness in Hollywood and across industries now that sexual harassment actually has consequences. You can’t hide your past, but you can hide your pit stains.

2. Tucci Gang

It’s amazing how much Sam Rockwell looks like Stanley Tucci when you plop a bald cap on his head, isn’t it?

SNL‘s parody of the Lil’ Pump track “Gucci Gang” wouldn’t be half as entertaining as it turned out without the completely bizarre premise: stanning for the Stan. Rockwell is joined by Lil’ Pump stand-in Pete Davidson for a wild music video about Tucci that spares no praise for the celebrated actor’s entire catalog, from Big Night to The Devil Wears Prada.

Tooch!

1. Dinner Discussion

No video before or since has so deftly captured the anxiety and confusion of the current moment as this sketch and its evergreen refrain: “Careful…” A January op-ed about Aziz Ansari challenged the #MeToo movement on how we respond to stories that are more uncomfortable than illegal (and poorly reported).

Many of us lived through conversations like this one in the post-babe-dot-net universe, and SNL showed us that it’s okay to be at a total loss for how to respond (or to prefer magicking yourself out of this dimension as an alternative). Right now, we’re all learning. We just have to be careful.

Read more: https://mashable.com/article/best-saturday-night-live-sketches-2018/

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/podcast/11-historical-facts-that-were-way-too-stupid-movies

Holiday season is almost here, so we are all out and about trying to find the best gift for our loved ones. But sometimes, even though we found just the things that they asked for, we realize that it is next to impossible to wrap them! Of course, we can always get a box from the customer service counter, but where’s the fun in that? After all, we want to make them happy and have a little fun on Christmas morning!

A comedy company called Prank-O, based in Minneapolis, are dedicated to change the gift-giving experience, bringing a little deception and, of course, a lot of laughs. How do they do that? Prank-O created a funny line of fake gift boxes known as ‘Prank Packs.’ From the “Donald J. Trump Tweet Printer” to the “Pet Talk Animal Translator Collar”, these hilarious fake boxes are printed with items that anyone would be shocked to have, while hiding the actual gifts inside.

“Gift givers put real presents inside prank boxes with hilarious, absolutely absurd fake products printed on the outside,” says the company. “Gift receivers think they’re getting the worst gift ever, until they open up and see a real product inside.”

Scroll the page and laugh with us!

Read more: http://www.boredpanda.com/funny-gift-boxes-prank-o/

True-ly irresistible!

On Wednesday, Khloé Kardashian wrote a blog post on her

In addition to having “three teeth,” the little tot is “going to crawl any second”!

The KUWTK star wrote:

“I can’t believe my baby is seven-months-old! True now has three teeth and she’s going to crawl any second. She also smiles constantly, but I still can’t get that little munchkin to laugh unless I tickle her. Maybe I’m just not funny, LOL.”

The Revenge Body host also revealed her bundle of joy’s first word! She dished:

“She also says ‘dada,’ but I think she means ‘mama.’”

Uh… is KoKo shading boyfriend/alleged cheater Tristan Thompson?? Sure sounds like it!

That same day, the 34-year-old posted the (above) photo on Instagram of her baby in a gorgeous Hermès Birkin bag! She added the caption:

“Nothing can change this love”

See more snaps (below)!

View this post on Instagram

♡ Nothing can change this love ♡

A post shared by Khloé (@khloekardashian) on Nov 28, 2018 at 1:00pm PST

[Image via Khloé Kardashian/Instagram.]

Read more: https://perezhilton.com/2018-11-28-khloe-kardashian-reveals-daughter-true-first-word/